I believe myself to be an ambitious person, I have so many things that I want to achieve and yet I have no idea how to go and do them, or the thought of putting myself out there only to fail terrifies me so much that I never actually do it. For the last few years I’ve been thinking about my career, I don’t want to be stuck in a job that I don’t like just because it’s easy and I’m comfortable here. I want to do something where I wake up in the morning happy; ok maybe nothing would get my morning hating self out of bed happy, but at least feel like I’m working in something I enjoy. I have a Criminology degree, I graduated University almost 5 years ago now and I’m currently working in a job that has absolutely nothing to do with what I spent 3 years and over £12,000 studying.
In my ideal world I’d be back in school studying law or something which would lead me to a career as a probation officer. In another ‘ideal world’ I’d be writing for a living, novels, blogs, hell anything! So what is stopping me? Is it fear of the unknown, of leaving something where I know I’m good at to something which I could be horrific at, or just fear of change in general, if I’m honest there’s still a part of me hanging onto the hope that one day I will be the winner of one of those ludicrously high Euro millions lotteries (which I never actually buy a ticket for).
Money is my biggest issue here, I’m working part time and the majority of that income is going straight out into debts, credit cards, store cards etc (that’s a whole other blog post right there on my stupidity when it came to spending) there’s no way I could afford to support myself on another course, or even pay for the tuition. Then there’s my mental health. With the help of my doctor I’m trying to find a medication that’s right and works to stabilise my depression and anxiety enough to be able to function normally without wanting to hide away from the real world and cry my eyes out because nothing ever goes right.
Are they excuses? Yes I guess so but then there’s never going to be a right time to put yourself out there and do something like this. There’s always going to be a thousand reasons that you could list as to why you should wait a few more weeks or months. Whatever it is only you know the right time to push yourself and take those risks and when will be more damaging then beneficial; for instance a massive career move or change when you’re also trying for a baby? Not the best time. It’s all about positivity and setting yourself up for success knowing that you could fail at any point but taking the risk anyway. All of which is very easy for me to write and preach but to actually believe it fully and do it? That’s a whole lot more difficult.